19 months/17 months update and a rant

(19 months off topicals, 17 off all steroids)

So, probably because I'm struggling much more at the minute than I have been, I've decided to post another update.

I went on holiday to Japan, it was amazing! I did have some skin troubles though :(
But I thought I would post some pictures of my skin, along with some pics of my holiday because why not!

So before I left I was just coming out of a flare and while I was there my skin was GREAT. really smooth. However the heat made me very sticky and I think that's the reason I'm back in another flare now :( I'm trying to remain positive.

Here are some pictures!

I somehow manage to not look like im trying to tear my skin from my limbs. Fancy that!

Anyway here are some skin pics, flaring now.

^this is the general texture of my skin. its horrible. bumpy, oozy, sticky. ugh :(


I'm feeling very emotional, not wanting to leave the house, feeling desperate. I just struggle to see the end sometimes. I know it will come (or at least I hope). It's just so hard to carry  on with no guidance. I think that is the hardest part for me. I just want to be able to go to the Dr, explain my situation and trust that they will do the right thing for me. But I can't do that. The Dr doesn't have my best interests at heart and that is hurtful and makes me feel hopeless.

Dr Rap has been posting on the facebook group a lot and has created a blog which is infinitely reassuring. I just wish there was a Dr Rap in every country, infinite Dr Raps!!

Nowadays I think the only use in going to most Doctors is if you have researched your condition, you know what drugs you need and you just have to go to the Dr to get the script filled. I'm sure most people can relate to that. How stupid is that?

I recently saw someone post this sign they had seen at their doctors..

Maybe I'm feeling particularly emotional lately but I can't put into words how angry that makes me. I cant tell if its a 'joke' or not but even so...we as patients are now going to be punished for taking our health into our own hands? There is a reason so many of us 'self diagnose' and that is because our doctors are not doing it for us! Despite the fact that that is their job. Despite the fact that they should listen to our needs and not just mindlessly write us a script. We are not all the same. We are all different, we have different needs and we should be treated as patients, not customers.

I know I shouldnt get so angry but when I constantly walk around in a skin that feels 2 sizes too small for me, shedding skin everywhere, having anxiety attacks when I get even the slightest bit sweaty, it is very difficult not to blame the people who did this to me and to so many others.

Hmph :(

Anyway that's all for now. Hopefully I will see some relief soon :( x

Time for an update... (photos)

(19 months off topicals, 17 off all steroids)
Been a while since I posted so I think now is as good a time as any.

So what has happened since I last posted...quite a lot I guess! I have moved to South Korea to teach English for one. I was still on 300mg of ciclosporine daily when i left and i got an appointment with a derm here ASAP. The derm really does not like to prescribe me ciclosporine here. And it is EXPENSIVE. I am paying about $120 a month for my prescription. So I attempted to reduce my dose in the hope of being able to come off the meds at some point soon.

I have been on 300mg a day for a long time, over a year, so I had no idea how it would go. I reduced from 300mg daily to 200mg daily about 7 or 8 weeks ago now I think, and my skin has gone slightly crazy, mostly on my face.

Severe itching, some burning, LOTS of shedding, edema, oozing, insomnia, urgh.
I am seeing flares in places I have never had trouble with before, including on my face. Scabbing, oozing and flaking around my mouth, edema and shedding around my eyes. I have dated the pictures so you can see how it tends to flare and flake, heal temporarily, then starts the cycle again.

I am hoping this is just a flare happening because I am reducing, and that once my body adjusts it will calm down a little, but I'm feeling pessimistic if I'm honest! I am however looking into starting LDN soon so hopefully that will help. This is an expensive medication to take overseas!

Anyway, less chat, more pictures.

I intend to update once I have started LDN/began to reduce further so hopefully more updates soon.



Photos, oldest first

16th July 2015
Skin around my mouth had been dry for a long time, things started to get crazy on this day.

face very swollen, dried ooze around mouth

^^ trying to stop the ooze at work!! argh

^^^ post-ooze. very swollen around the eyes. smiling though!

17th July 2015, the next day.

^scabbing around the mouth. neck is very red with elephant skin


18th July...things get a bit crazy

^ burst into tears when I woke up and saw this. Took a shower and gently exfoliated. Then, applied zinc and lemongrass balm.

^post exfoliating and balm application.

^Later that day.

^comparison between AM and PM. My shower/exfoliation and application of balm really helped.

20th July 2015

^things still very calm!

21st July 2015

^feeling smug with my rapid healing!!


Things have stayed pretty stagnant since. Residual dryness around my mouth and a sore neck.
Sorry for bombardment of photos but it is useful for me to see them all together and hopefully others' will find it useful too!

Hope everyone is getting by! <3

Flaring....?

I think I may be flaring...
Lots itchier than normal, skin is really dry again and sore to touch, a few lint wounds and a bit of oozing too. not fun :(

I hate flaring for a few reasons..
1) It makes me wonder if the ciclo is even working, and if isn't then i'm putting my body at risk of other things such as skin cancer and liver disease/kidney problems for no reason.
2) If the ciclo is working and these are just mini flares that are being dampened by ciclo...how much would I be sufferng if I weren't on ciclo?! and how badly will I suffer when I have to reduce and eventually stop ciclo? I actually skipped a dose by mistake a few days ago so maybe this is the result, but i thought it took a while for the ciclo to actually affect the system so I'm not sure.
3) I still have that classic eczema mentality that somehow a flare or bad skin is my fault. "If i could just keep my nails short", "If i could just stop scratching" etc etc etc. For so many years doctors have drummed it into me "YOU MUST NOT SCRATCH" that in my head scratching is the problem. In my head I don't actually even HAVE an underlying problem i just need to STOP SCRATCHING. This was the best thing about starting TSW for me, I started to realise that there are some things that are out of control, my skin will flare and break just the same if I scratch or if i dont - within reason! obviously scratching can damage the skin and slow down healing but whether I scratch or not I still have tsw, it's out of my control. That's a really liberating feeling

Anyway hopefully this will pass. I have a derm appointment on 1st June and I'm terrified he will want to reduce my ciclo :( I'm enjoying having quite good skin and I don't want that to change before my holiday on 1st July!!

Hope everyone is well
S x